On A Rant Again...

insert sigh of relief here

2004-08-19T06:45:33Z

The beach was Awesome! went around 11 or so, skinny dipping with Hutch, Gavin, Carlye, and Krissy. It was cool to see carlye again, it'd been a while. The water was all sparkley and nifty, and everything around you lit up when you moved! One of the coolest experiences ever! All n' all, it was a fantastic night, I feel great, and i'm gonna' go crash. Night all! ^_^

I've been waitin' a while, you've been takin' too long

2004-08-18T19:27:46Z

Yarr, the Kap'ns been on the hunt for a new first mate, and the seas be givin' a rather small lot o' fish. I've only been on the waters alone a short while, but I'm interested in finding anyone who'd like to take a spin on the boat with me :P.

Yes, if you havn't heard I am single, and I'm not so much looking for a relationship, but if something good came my way, I would not refuse. I'm looking for a friend mostly, maybe a little more, but anything is possible. If you think you're interested, IM me: Mmm Parrot on AIM, or Email: WannaBeClaypool@yahoo

And the winner is...

2004-08-07T09:17:22Z

Went to a battle of the bands today, and screamed my lungs out to help RJ's band win. Thank god they did, because otherwise, it'd all have been in vain. The show was pretty cool; couple good bands, couple bad bands, ya' know. I felt special today, because I got to help with equipment, mainly the guitar. I love the feeling when you know what you've done behind the scenes makes everything on show come together. One problem: My ears will never forgive me. It sounds like I have someones hands cupped around my ears, and everything is all off and bassy. But hell, if you don't know them yet, check out Darkness Unfolding, if not for the music, for the sexy guitar tech on the sidelines ;) (you all know you love me lol). Afterwards, I hung with Hutch, Krissy, and Patty for a little while. Went to go skinny dipping... but the tide was too high, and kris thought there'd be sharks... so I didn't get to parade around naked. Always depressing when I can't be naked. For now though, I have to get the 3 hours of sleep before work tomorrow, so g'nite!

...never break the chain

2004-08-06T06:13:51Z

I kind of kicked the recent schedual of Drunk one day, sober the next, drunk... sober... drunk... sober... drunk... so forth. Currently my second sober day in a row. Maybe I'll get back on track soon =P. Just kidding. Spent all of today with Donny, Vinny, and Josh. Been a great day, found me a band, played around at the beach, yadda yadda. I'm a bit tired now and I have work in the morning, so I think it's bed time for now. Peace
-Nick

Ladies and Gentlemen... Let's get ready to Stumble!!

2004-08-01T21:15:41Z

Well, It seems I'm on a mission to drink myself under the table lately. Well... not really, but I have been at it a bit more than usual here and there. I know this will win the hearts of many people here, but things've been kinda' rough lately, so I take the standard male alcoholics cop out. Me and Jess broke up, I have no real job, severe sexual frustration... all those little delightful things that make people go, "FUCK!!!". No no, this won't be a constant, but i've got nothing better to do than erode my liver like fresh pepsi on car paint. (Here's a tip, if you do get some good fresh pepsi, Nail a cop car. Havn't done it yet, but you'll know which one you hit the next day :P) Thankfully I have humour though, because if I didn't, I'd have gone full-out Bright Eyes. lol, ok, well, maybe not That bad, but still.
But, in more uplifting news, I've been comming across a good deal of old friends, and making a few new ones while at Weston's. If it wernt for the horrible pay I'd be very pleased with that job. Most of the people tend to have some addiction other than sex or cigarettes... not my fondest trait, but they're good people.
As for right now though, I'm off. hopefully tomorrow will turn out pretty good... today's been bland so far.

Yeah yeah, I finally caved... here's a survey

2004-07-20T17:57:11Z

What would you do if I...
...cried?
...was becoming suicidal?
...killed myself?
...died from natural causes?
...said I had a crush on you?
...licked/kissed you?
...started smoking/drinking?
...stole something?
...was hospitalized?
...ran away from home?
...got in a fight and you were there?

What do you think about my...
...personality?
...eyes?
...face?
...hair?
...voice?
...humor?
...mannerisms?

Would you...
...tell me the truth, no matter what?
...lie to make me feel better?
...spread rumors about me?
...keep a secret if I told you one?
...hold my hand?
...'take a bullet' for me?
...try and solve my problems?
...love me?
...have sex with me?

This oughta' be fun...

...there is a calm after the storm, where everything is right again

2004-07-20T04:46:07Z

Things feel right again. I couldn't be happier ^_^
Jess, I love you. we only have about 4 months and some change to go before we hit that one year marker, and I know we can shatter that. I hope more for the two year, or farther still. I'll always be here for you baby!! -Nick

If I don't sob like a baby, I'll be suprised.

2004-07-16T07:23:55Z

It seems both Jess and I are aiming for the same thing: Keeping people happy, at the occasional expense of ourselves though. What worries me is that I might be half the problem. Things have been rocky and then fine, rocky, fine, so forth, and this rollercoaster is kicking my ass (though I'm sure I'm not alone). It's not her fault though, she's a busy girl, and I understand that fully, and have no problem with it, but it's hard to get to see her. I still have to keep in mind that it might just be the summer, but I can't tell. I love her to death, I really do, but no matter what way I turn I worry that I'm asking too much. Recently, neither of us have slept well, so of course we're both mighty happy campers... lol. But even if right now is hard, I'll wait it out. I know I can't have her to myself every minute, but not knowing what day or week I may see her again is a little bothersome. Jess, if you are reading this, please don't think that I'm complaining about you. I have nothing to complain about there in the least. Jessi is a beautiful, funny, sweet, cuddly, lovable person, and I wouldn't give her up for the world... which is why I bitch when I don't see her sometimes. If I had her all to myself, I would be blissful, but the fact that I see her at all is close enough. I just miss my baby sometimes, and love to spend time with her. I've gotten better with that though, or atleast I hope I have. She needed time to work, do theater, see friends, be alone, be with family, It's all good. It's a little tough because there isn't really much time for any of that, especially with me butting in. I feel bad for her, and wish there was something that I can do. Though most times when she tries to talk to me, she's worried about pissing me off... I have a small mind and a short temper; how she's put up with me this long, I'll never know, but I am forever greatful. I've been doing everything I can though, and it may not seem like it, or may not be enough sometimes, but I really try to do anything and everything I can for her. I love my baby, she really is worth it, and I want her to know that. I just wish that I felt good enough. I always doubt myself, and she hates that. I don't blame her. But it's for her... if that makes any sense... I just want to be the best man ever for her, and if it wasn't her, I wouldn't give nearly 1/100th of a shit in comparison. She makes me feel so great, and why I'm so down on myself, is because I wish I could show her even half of that back, and I want to do everything perfect for her. I love her, and I want everyone to know it. Even if things can be rocky, it will never change how much she means to me. But I think it's time I get to bed now... I hope to talk to her tomorrow, so long as I get to tell her I love her. -Nick

I quit quitting...

2004-07-07T17:02:14Z

Well, it was a nice notion while it lasted, but of course I have no will power, so I gave into an addiction and fucked up everything, as usual. I guess it's better that I did, figuring the timing of everything lately... My stress pretty much gave up after I started again. Not to say that shitty situations don't occur, but It is a LOT harder to deal with them when you're having withdrawls... But anyways, I made it 11 days... woo. God is cocksmacking me though. He has reached down his enormous cock, and is flogging the living Fuck out of my for my idiocy. For example: Work? ohFuck getting into that... Jessi? never see her anymore... Even my computer! That's fucked too! I can explain the Jessica situation though... We both work, (me two jobs,) plus she has theater, volunteer shit at the library, and other side stuff to tend to. I pity her for having to do so much shit. I'll put money on this being taken the wrong way though =P. Any time I bring this up, she always thinks I think she's evading me, or something... but honey, if you read this, It's OK =P. I know she loves me, and even if she was trying to get away from me, she has good reason. lol

One week down... a lifetime to go

2004-06-16T17:37:55Z

I quit smoking. I can honestly say, that on the top of my mind, this has been the most annoying, nerve Fucking, stressful, and trying week of my life. There is hardly a damn thing about this week that has been good aside from most of the time I've spent with Jessi. On that subject, things are fantastic, but I feel really bad for her... I've been a ball of stress and anger the past while, which means I wind up flipping out on her too much... that being exactly what I was afraid of with quitting. I didn't want to, not because I was really fond of my health at the time, but because I knew 1I would be an ass to everyone. Worse, that is, than I apparently am to everyone all the time, as Jess would agree with. But on top of all that good news, Tom and HuTcH left the conch in a rather timely fashion.. and I'm left to mop the shit up after it's trip through the fan. So now I'm training my father how to dishwash because A) The Conch needs the dishwasher, and B) We need the money... Bad. Because of this, John (My Boss if you didn't know) is putting me on nights. And no, I'm not dishwashing... but then again, I'm not prepping... exclusively; I GET TO DO BOTH FOR THE SAME MONEY IN LESS TIME!!! Wooo!!!!! GOD I love work sometimes! atleast twice a week a think of doing what Tom and HuTcH did... but now that my dad is there, I can't. I wouldn't anyways, because after having two years of experience in a place, you don't want to leave with a bad rep. and have your later job opportunities affected. Final Thought: If you smoke, DON'T QUIT!!! IT WILL BE THE WORST EXPERIENCE OF YOUR LIFE!!! and if you never have smoked.... Don't Ever DARE be Stupid enough to start! I will Kill you!!! It's not because of, "Oh smoking is so bad..." or "It will give you cancer, and.." Fuck that. It's because if you ever Do have to quit? You will wish you had the debilitating lung cancer instead. ^_^ Have a nice day.
Oh, P.S.: Even with it being a week since my last cig, I want one now... so bad. So Very Bad.. and I'm still coughing... worse than I did when I smoked.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood...

2004-05-31T03:30:56Z

Today was Amazing! It's suprising what a day away from work, spent with Jess can do for your mental well being ^_^. Had to have been the cutest day ever. Ever. God I'm happy. In other news... The other day we lost our internet (very tight budget anymore..) but (obviously) were back on now. I payed this bill, so were clear for another month, and all is well. There is an upcomming date of importance: 6 month aniversary! So everyone make sure to write either of us to congratulate us on the third!:-P I can't believe it's been half a year... wow time can really pass us by. It's been far from time wasted though. I'm happier today than I have ever been in my life, and I owe it all to her. I havn't been very displeased with things, but the bittersweet isn't so bad anymore (if I'm making any sense). She's a really sweet girl, she has cool friends, a great mind, a Wonderful personality, and one Hell of a body too ^_~! I love her. I'm sorry if I'm getting too sappy, and maybe a bit boring to some, but it's true. My appologies to anyone who this may have upset =P. Tomorrow I get to go to Justin's, chill with my Big buddy, maybe jam with his dad, (make a demo) and get my equipment home! Wee ^_^ not seemin' to be too bad of a week!

Boogers!!

2004-05-27T19:10:38Z

Well, I've figured out my new drum machine a bit better... thank God. I don't have Allll that much to write about, but things have been good lately ^_^. My health is fair to good, me and Jess are happy, work is going... well, not bad =P, and I got a new guitar magazine in; in other words you could cut off my leg, and I would still be pleasant. I've been seeing Jess a lot more lately too... might be a majour factor in my happiness. But for now, I'm out.

Another Pint of the Johnny Jump Up

2004-05-23T15:43:15Z

Well, I drank again last night. No I didn't get drunk... not even buzzed. I had one, and then felt guilty. I already feel bad enough from smoking sometimes. But for now I shower, and update later.
Good news though, I got a drum machine!! ^_^

Why the Hell would a chicken be out crossing roads?

2004-05-20T20:56:31Z

I'm going through another metal phase. Look out! I might Bomb a school! I'm a danger to society now! =P The most important matter of late is what's going on between me and Jess: Goodness ^_^. I've spent the past three days with her, and will more than likely be with her again friday, Woo! buuuut anough about my sappy obsession, on to think that people would rather read about... my search for a band. Before it was a desperate hunt for a drummer, but now, thankfully I have options as for that... Now, I look for a bassist!...Fuck! None of them either. Well, unless I'm looking for a "nu-rocker" there isn't much selection. Oh sure, there are a few, but not many. All that I know of are Chris P (ex-anoxia bass), Pat Shaffer (not too bad, but get's grounded at bad times =P), Drew (who I don't think sean would much care for), or Tom (who is a busy motherfucker when he wants to be). If anyone still reads this anymore, and knows a bassist, is a bassist, or would like to pretend they can play as to get my hopes up, Please recruit/send something my way!

I am the mafia!

2004-05-15T04:34:27Z

Been a while since I've last updated. In current news: Me and Jess are doing great, I love the shawshank redemption & the green mile, and I'm tired as fuck. as for right now, I havn't much to say, but I will think later, and get back at this. I love Jessi, Hutch, sorry for the cop thing, and to anyone else, this is a very odd time in life, good luck with it. =P

Feelin' cruddy

2004-05-03T20:59:03Z

Well, today is my and Jessi's 5 month aniversary... and I just Had to be sick for it. God Dammit. Out of all the times to be sick, I had to be now. I miss her so much! I can't wait for the summer, because I might acctually get some time with her... I hope :/ I am happy for one thing though; she stopped by with Becca earlier ^_^. All I need is my Jessi, and some time to let this pass. I have tomorrow off, so hopefully this will be cleared up a bit by then so I can see her. That's it for now. I love my Jessi ^_^

I don't know what I have, but it SUCKS

2004-05-02T23:06:34Z

Well, I've been comming down with something over the past few days, and finally hit rock bottom with it. I had to leave work early... *shudder*. I feel so unclean!! I can't leave work comfortably without being finished... argh. But anyways... it feels like there is a good sized Rock stuck in my throat on the right side. I can't swallow right, I can't talk right, but atleast I can breathe... through my nose =P. So it's not all bad. Besides, I get to go to the doctor soon and find out about all the shit loads of other things wrong with me I've been missing out on! Yay! ^_^ Hope I can still work tomorrow... wednesday will be a shit party if I'm not there tomorrow.... oh fuck. I just thought about that now. Fuck. Fuck! Damn I wish I wasn't the only prep guy around! Shitty shitty fuck shit. Aaaah well. For now, I'm out. Gotta' try to get a hold of Jess, and warn her to look out for strep... that's my best bet on what's FUCKING MY THROAT LIKE A PRISON BITCH!!! Gah. Done. Love you Jess. Merry Fuckin' random God day? Fuck! 8D POP! 0.

You feelin' Lucky punks?

2004-04-29T17:03:24Z

I want everyone who reads this to ask me 3 questions, no more no less.
Ask me anything you want and I will answer.
Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends (including myself) to ask you anything. Tear it up Motherfuckers. =P

...and broke my alarm clock.

2004-04-29T16:55:15Z

Well, this morning blew. My alarm clock died just under 1,750 deaths last night (give or take) and sorta' gave up the concept of showing time, or... well, working at all. So needless to say, if I have to be awake for work at 7:30... it wouldn't do the job if it wanted to. My brother wound up waking me 10 minutes before I had to be at work today, so I was sort of groggy and disoriented. On average it takes about an hour for my brain to realize I'm awake, which meant I spent 50 minutes of my time at work Completely oblivious to where I was, why I was, what I was doing, and how many onions it would take to fill my "perscription" of onion needed for the restaurant today. I grabbed the whole Bag. I must of thought 30 or more onions oughta' do it, which I was right, but was quite sure of at the time.
On another note... Valuable lesson learned: One cannot cut celery well with half opened eyes and fumbling hands. I still don't know how I Didn't cut myself... or someone around me for that fact. By the time I came around, everyone had, at one point or another, asked if I drank coffee, and suggested when a good time to have it was. Which was, coincidentally, exactly an hour before they had said it. Conspiracy? I think not! ...wait a second... Either way, I'm a bit tired still, so I think bedways is rightways. Only concern I have is missing my chance to call Jess at 2:55. I really don't get to see enough of her. With her in school, and I... well, not. More than likely I won't even wind up going to sleep. It wouldn't be an issue if(... funny thing this is...) my alarm clock was still of any use other than a paperweight, or a cubed, breakable, baseball. 'ta.

Yarr, what a day.

2004-04-29T07:17:02Z

Well, wednesday started rocky with a bit more work than I'd have hoped, but it all rounded out nicely. I got to see Jess most of the day! fuckit, I'll write more later. Peace

...and I went to a play...

2004-04-28T05:35:56Z

I havn't much to say of today, other than going to see Jessi in a few plays ^_^. She's not a'tall bad at acting. Not really to my suprise, but it was better than I would have expected. Much better than I'd've done atleast =P. Came to find a few other people I knew were suprisingly good at the matter aswell... some fascinatingly bad... All-n'-all, it was a more interesting day than it would have been if I did what I usually do: play morrowind all day. All that aside, I could go for some good sex. =D

I babysat!? I have a Heart left!!?

2004-04-27T03:21:30Z

Weeeeelllllll, long time no update. a Lot has happened. First of all, I was promoted to Prep. Cook ^_^. Took me a year and a half, but finally I had the right setting. I'd been requesting to do a LOT more prep, so it was given to me, and then the other guy moved, so I took his spot! Only downside... gotta' wake up at 7am for work. No biggy though. Over the last while, me and Jess had done a lot of talking, a little arguing, but in the end, things, I feel are stronger than they ever were before. I am totally smitten =)~. In other news, I baby sat today. It seems that under the thick sheet of ice (or sarcasm, malice, cynicism, and such) that has taken over my heart, might be thawing a bit... I've always hated kids... What the Fuck Happened?! O_O Anyways, they were my uncle's kids; Kyle: 9, Dayna:7. They're really sweet, and not at all a hassle, so I didn't mind taking care of them for a while. I'd like to dwell on that, but, I've a lot of thoughts to toss out :P Yesterday I found out that we had a knife set since christmas. A SET OF NEW FUCKING KNIVES!!! I was struggling with the old ones for a Looong time, and mom FINALLY said something! You Don't hold good quality knives from a prep cook when he has to use low grade ones... that is unless you want one of them wasted on you =P. Well, I've given up on writting for right now, so I'm off, I'll keep updating more though! JESS I LOVE YOU!

Mind = Changed... for better?

2004-03-08T18:58:17Z

On the day that Jessica left for model UN, I was trying to sort my thoughts. Not at all wondering about the outcome of our future, (which I hope to be long and prosperous) but more for the future of another. On the night before she left, I was listening to Cat Stevens with HuTcH, and the song "Father and Son" came on... I'm guessing now you understand what I'm saying. In the song he is talking to his son.

"It's not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy.
You're still young, that's your fault,
There's so much you have to know.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but I'm happy.

I was once like you are now, and I know that it's not easy,
To be calm when you've found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything you've got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not."

This struck me as something that I would do or say, either just in passing thought or in song... and it made me think of myself in the possition. I blame music for making me want to have a kid or two later on. This song and Blind Melon's, "New Life" have always made me rethink the plans on that vasectomy I had in mind. In other words, Good news Jessi, you were right. =P

The tiger was askin' for it...

2004-02-23T07:17:44Z

Alright, I have officially gained back all respect for Judas Priest. Not that I had lost any, but it is just updated and renewed... let's call it Priest appreciation beta v.2.1 =P or something slightly more random! Anyways, the other night I spent at the beach with Don, Hutch, Laura, and of course my Jessi ^_^. t'was a good time, and laura's pretty cool. Never really knew'r worth beans before... now I atleast know her to a bean to just shy of bean level. well... depending the bean. Lima, yes; greenbean?... that's a toughy. o_o... oh my, I've lost it again. To catch up on today, work was INSANE. FUCK SUNDAYS. I will Not work another without dropping a 2 weeks notice, or raising hell. After though was good. Chilled with Hutch, RJ, which I really don't see much at all and regret, and Jessi. We all went to DQ right before close, because we didn't see Sharon in Denny's. Majour Bummer. After droppin' off mi'Lady'love, me and my fellow droogies -- that is Hutch, and RJ -- went to the Wal*Mart for a bit of the ol' ultra-violence, and some pay back to an old stuffed friend that'd been being a bit off a trouble to RJ... did him in well we did, and never a better use for gas been made. Right, right. Doobidoob. A bit tired, may be best not to say more. Bedways is rightways now, so best we go homeways and get a bit of spatchka. Right, right? ...right right.
G'nite to all, and love to those who know they earned it (and Yes Jessica, I mean you. Really. eh? C'mon, Stop puttin' yourself down. =P)

Yarr! ^_^

2004-02-16T16:39:06Z

Valentine's went rather well, untill work atleast, but it was still good. Earlier that day I convinced my dad to take me to the store, because I otherwise would have had nothing for Jessi, which would be bad =P. Even though she told me not to get anything, I still wanted to, and did ^_^.